by Zara Mohammed, Relationships Columnist
Published in Relationships on 26th July, 2018
The only lucky thing about being "unlucky in love" is that you're not the only one! Honestly, you're not.
There are some people who just seem to have luck on their side though. They have great dates, because they have awesome personalities. They fall in love and it's actually reciprocated. They have no major relationship problems, and the sex is hot. They go on to get married, get a promotion at work, have kids. Their kids are lucky in love... and so the cycle begins again.
What is it that sets people like these apart from people like you? How do you stop being unlucky in love? Well let me tell you the secret...
Luck doesn't even come into it! I swear to you, there is no such thing as luck. It might feel like there is, but there isn't. People need to start taking credit for their own successes, and the other people... well you have to face up to your failures and work out why this is happening.
It's frustrating, isn't it? Because let's face it, you're trying hard. You're doing everything you can think of to find happiness, but maybe that's the problem. What if I told you that good things come to you when you're not looking for them?
Being "lucky" in anything isn't necessarily about being touched by the finger of God, or being lovingly looked over by a guardian angel, or having good karma. The concept of luck is the same as the concept of positive energy. What is the most positive form of energy you can think of that a person might possess? What is it about a person that makes others gravitate towards them, take them seriously, and even look up to them?
It is confidence, my friends. I'm not talking about a loud, boastful arrogance here, just a quiet inner confidence in yourself, your abilities, and trusting that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Now you might think that you're a confident person, without any insecurity. But the fact is that while you may feel confident in some things, you are most certainly not confident in yourself when it comes to matters of the heart. If you were, you wouldn't even be reading this article, you'd be out there making things happen.
Maybe you were confident in love once upon a time, but as your "luck" plummeted so did your self-assurance, and now you are resorting to trying to find out the answer to all of your woes online. That's when you know you have a problem. Unfortunately self-confidence isn't something you can find online. You can't bid for it on Ebay. The only place you can find your self-confidence is within yourself.
Once you do find it, you'll notice things will start to change. You'll wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, the day will seem brighter and you may even have a skip in your step. That is when you will start attracting positive things back into your life.
Have you noticed that confident people seem to be positively fearless? They don't seem to worry about every little thing, and they have an attractive carefree and accepting attitude towards everything.
Think about your last job interview. Were you bricking it? How do you think a confident person would approach a job interview for job they really want? They would give it their all of course, it's always important to do your best to sell yourself well, whether it is when you want a job, a second date, or anything really. But the difference between someone who is self-confident and someone who fears failure, is that the person who fears failure is probably going to give too much, which can come across as desperation, and desperation is always off-putting.
If you go after something full force because you are afraid of losing it, you are more likely to push that thing further away from you, and this is very common in relationships and early romance. In fact, there is a fun concept I'd like to share with you, which might help to make the penny drop...
Imagine you are standing inside an over-sized elastic band with your partner or love interest and you are playing a game where you both have to stand at just the right distance to keep the tension in the elastic band. Now then, if you decide to move towards your partner, in order to maintain that tension that person is going to have to move away from you. Alternatively if you move away from them, they will only be able to hold their ground so far before the tension between you becomes too much and they will either start moving towards you to relieve the discomfort, or if they resist too much, they may end up springing back into your arms!
It's a fun analogy, isn't it? The idea contains some important ideas though. When you want something too much, perhaps because you fear losing it, it's possible to forget to hold back a little, which results in you pushing that thing away. Holding back is about having faith in yourself and trusting that if you are meant to have this thing that you want, it will come to you, you don't have to chase after it as much as you feel you do, as long as you remain alert, in the game, and open to possibilities.
Winners know when to fight for something, and when to stop fighting and wait for the results to come to them. Look at your situation and ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. Am I trying too hard?
2. Am I not trying enough?
3. Is this just not meant to be?
If you have come to the conclusion that you have successfully avoided number 1 and number 2, and you are able to answer question number 3, then be assured, you are a winner, and you will find luck in love when the time is right. Why? Because you know yourself and you have self-confidence.
Don't forget that love is found in the most unexpected of places. So widen your circle of friends, discover new places and try new things. Enjoy your life and live it to the full, and you are more likely to find a like-minded person to share it with.