by Liberty Stembridge, Relationships Columnist
Published in Relationships on 1st August, 2018
Reddit is possibly one of the most insane places on the internet, there's everything from the unbearably cute to the horrifically deranged collated into one jumbled mess. And so of course, what do people do when they're looking for a solution to their problems? They turn to Reddit. What comes up is generally a mix of really good advice, bad puns, obscure references to long-dead TV-shows and of course, some really terrible advice. So after a while spent scouring the depths of one of Reddits most popular "subreddits" r/relationships, we've collated some of the best relationship advice that Reddit has to offer.
Don't be with someone just because you don't want to be alone. Being with someone compatible is better than being alone which is better than being with someone not compatible. This should go without saying but I see it all the time.
Be a team. Most couples don't know the right way to fight (and there WILL be fights). Don't worry about which one of you is "right." Remember that it's you and your partner vs. the problem, not you vs. your partner.
From my 32 year happily married parents: Queen sized bed; King sized blankets.
Spend time with each other but also spend time away from each other (own hobbies, stuff like that). I've only been married 2 years, but we lived together for 3.5, and we were dating for 3.5 years before living together. Nobody told me that advice but it's just something we've learned. I've seen couples who do absolutely everything together, and they eventually grow tired of each other and drift apart. I just think it's important for us each to be able to do our own things and have it not be a big deal.
It also keeps the "date nights" interesting because you have a lot to talk to the other person about since you did things independently.
Don't sleep mid-argument. That only leads to resentment building over night and more bad feelings the next morning. Sort everything out before you go to bed, and make the bedroom a neutral, love-only area. I found it solves so many problems not allowing things to spill over into that part of the routine. You can't end an argument by saying "I'm going to bed". You have to address the problems there and then and talk them out. Rather than sleeping on things and letting the anger build up, you get it all out and allow sleeping to reset your mood and forgive your SO.
Be happy on your own. Don't rely 100 percent on your relationship if you need happiness. There is always a time where you are on your own and you need to pleasure yourself.
Most dating experiences and relationships don't work out and that's OK. Most of the time it has nothing to do with you or the other person not being great, or needing to improve in any way, it's just not right. It's like spaghetti and ice cream - both are delicious, but not together. Spaghetti needs to find some Bolognese sauce and ice cream needs to find some hot fudge.
If you're not feeling it with someone, you don't need any excuse to leave, if you want out you can go at any time. As long as you tell the other person in a way that shows you're a decent person (be calm, don't criticize them, be decisive, and respect their privacy), you're fine.
In the same vein, don't try to stick with something when you're just not feeling it just because you think the other person is great, or the best you'll ever do, or it's better than being single. Don't try to change yourself to please the other person and get them to like you more (however learning to compromise is different, and this is important). And if you feel like someone is sending you signals that they might want out (often misconstrued as "mixed signals"), just make it easy for them and go. It may make you feel like shit to break it off with someone who will likely find it a relief you took care of the dirty work, or only wants you when they feel like they can't have you, it's better for everyone that you free yourself to find someone better. Ice cream, go find your hot fudge.