by Zara Mohammed, Relationships Columnist
Published in Relationships on 9th August, 2018
Moving in with a partner for the first time is an exciting experience. You are taking your relationship to the next level and you are about to learn so much more about each other - Unfortunately not all of these things will be good things!
Don't worry, we have compiled a list of the potential problems you might have to overcome when you move in with someone for the first time, so that you can swerve curveballs and keep your cool.
Something you may not be prepared for when you start to share a life and home with someone for the first time is how easy it is to lose sight of who you were before you moved in together.
Of course there will be changes, and a few sacrifices may have to be made, but just because you live with your partner it doesn't mean that you have to change who you are. Don't forget that it's you your partner fell for in the first place. They don't want you to be someone else.
Combine your styles and show appreciation for the vibe your partner brings to your new home and they will love what you are bringing to the table too. By combining your styles and sharing ideas, you will avoid creating "zones" in your new home that may end up banishing your partner from enjoying every single part of the place they are living in. I'm not saying that you can't have a dressing table in the bedroom that contains all of your girly bits, or a Playstation set up with a beanbag - just make sure that you can both enjoy each room for what it is, both separately and together.
When you live together you get to see all of the things you didn't get to see about your partner before you moved in, and this can easily zap the mystery out of your relationship. You will probably give up a lot of the things you used to enjoy doing as a single person, like spending the whole evening emptying your wardrobe onto the bed to try on outfits for a night out, or raiding the fridge in the middle of the night when you get the munchies.
Monotony happens when we stop expressing our individuality and doing the things we enjoy, and fall into an "us" zone, where the highlights of your relationship are going shopping for food and deciding what to cook for the week, or over-discussing shared responsibilities like whose turn it is to take the dog for a walk.
I'm not saying that routine is bad. Routine is very important as it helps you both to function when living together. What's not so great though, is predictability. Romance can easily slip out of the window when there is nothing in your relationship to challenge or waken you both up!
When you live together you have to work extra hard to keep the monotony out of your relationship. So focus on changing things up every now and then. Do something completely different, adopt each other's roles, keep up with your own lives outside of the relationship, and remember to keep everything in good balance.
When you begin to live the same life everyday with another person, it is easy for that routine to become so engrained that you expect certain things from each other all of the time. Suddenly one person is doing all of the cooking, one person always makes the bed or tidies the cushions in the living room, one person has a regular schedule planned for the week including all of the TV programs they enjoy watching.
When you accidentally fall into roles without agreeing on them first, living together can quickly begin to create little niggles, because you are taking each other for granted.
The only way to prevent this from happening is to sit down together and work out what works best for both of you. It might be to share chores and cooking duties, it might be to come up with a recording schedule so that not all of your time is being spent watching TV programs that the other person enjoys but that you don't particularly care for, it might be to agree to be more conscious of the fact that you are sharing a house and that it is a home to both of you, so you both deserve to enjoy it in the ways that you personally like, whilst still being considerate to each other.
The worst thing about living together is that eventually your sex life will change, and this can often be disconcerting, leading you to think there is a problem. In the beginning when everything is still new and exciting, you sex life may be flourishing, but once you begin to settle into your new life together, things can get a little, let's say, repetitive and predictable.
This is completely normal and if you are having a lot less sex now that you are living together, it's nothing to worry about. It is important to remember to make an effort to keep the spark alive though.
The best way to avoid a dwindling sex life is to maintain your intimacy levels throughout the day and week. If you have an intimate relationship with your partner then you are constantly connecting and feeling the feelings you should be feeling for each other, and that is the most important thing. Your sex life should naturally thrive and remain healthy if you make the effort with each other.
It is also important to make sure that you take care of your health as this can also affect your physical and mental ability to enjoy sex. Eat well, get plenty of exercise, and all the sleep you need.