by Zara Mohammed, Relationships Columnist
Published in Relationships on 14th August, 2018
Dating is the best way to get to know a variety of different people in order to find the perfect match, but if you're not having much luck in finding love, you need these 10 Tips to help you become a Dating Pro. This guide to better dating will help you to make the most out of your dating experiences.
One of the most common reasons people get frustrated and feel that they are unlucky in love is that they are probably being too fussy. The trick to getting more out of life is opening your self up to as many opportunities as possible, and the best way to do this is to start saying yes!
Saying yes to dates with more people, even if you don't think they are what you are "looking for" gives you the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised. It's easy to judge people on first impressions, but often people aren't able to shine in the unnatural setting of a date. So why not relax and allow your dates to relax? Say yes to the first date, and then why not just say yes to the second? You never know what it could lead to.
Are you one of those people who do go on loads of dates but only seem to be making "friends" out of it? People like you are easy to talk to, fun to be around, and you make people feel really comfortable - These are all great qualities but you're forgetting one thing - Spark!
It's vital if you want to move things beyond finding out if you're platonically compatible to finding out if you're actually attracted to one another, you have to go in for the kiss.
If by the fourth date you aren't trying to find a way to get a little kiss in, you may miss the opportunity altogether, and slip into the dreaded "friend zone". Don't let it happen. Put fear and doubt to one side - if they haven't kissed you yet, kiss them instead. You have nothing to lose.
If you are the one choosing where to take someone on a date, you really have to be careful on your choice. Think about what first, second and third dates are for. You don't really know each other, things are a bit awkward, and perhaps one or both of you are a little bit nervous?
The best kinds of date in these early stages of dating are the kinds that give you both the opportunity to find out lots about each other, and at the same time express your own personality. You need to be able to talk!
Don't go to the cinema. Seriously, this is a bad date choice, at this stage anyway. You also need to choose something that won't place too much pressure on any of you. Sometimes dinner is just a bit too formal for a first or second date.
A casual drink for a first date is perfect, just be careful about the venue choice. Something a bit more fun and active for the second date is fine, and maybe for the third date you can choose something with more romance to steer things in the right direction.
Yes, you want to find out enough about this person to know if you have a few things in common with them, but you don't want the date to turn into an interview. Asking questions is great, so long as you are choosing the right kinds of questions, and that things are feeling balanced between you both.
Choose fun questions that are easy to answer. You don't want to put someone on the spot with anything too deep or personal. Steer clear of anything too serious. Make sure the other person has the opportunity to ask you some questions too, and if they aren't, then maybe encourage them by asking if there is anything they want to know about you. It's important to have the opportunity to show them who you are and what you are about.
The biggest mistake made on most dates is drinking too much. It's an easy thing to do when perhaps you are both a bit nervous, or excited, because obviously a few drinks help you to relax. But one too many, and suddenly you think you are having the time of your life - and maybe you are, but it's not because of the person you are with, it's because you are getting drunk.
When you drink too much on a date things are more likely to move at a much faster pace than they really need to. This is because consuming too much alcohol lowers your guard and can make you feel things you don't really feel.
How many times have you woken up the next day with a horrid hangover and a feeling of dread and regret? Avoid drinking too much and you will be able to trust yourself and your date to enjoy each other's company on a more genuine level.
First dates can put a lot of pressure on people, and people do strange things when under pressure. It's easy when wanting to try and impress someone because you want to be liked, to do things that are completely out of character, or at least not really true to who you are.
Try to avoid doing things that you wouldn't normally do. If you don't normally like to throw your money around, don't think just because you are on a date that the person expects you to show them a good time by overspending. What they really want is for you to show them who you are.
It is always best to be honest and upfront, because if you're not, the truth is only going to reveal itself later on and you could end up disappointing someone or putting yourself in an awkward position.
Remember to try and be open about what you honestly think and feel about things too. You don't have to agree with your date to get them to like you.
Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself, and that reflects who you are as a person, not necessarily in a way that you think will attract someone.
Maybe you have a very specific idea of what you want to achieve by dating. Maybe you have high expectations of yourself and you don't want to fail. It's difficult not to have high expectations when dating but the problem with having high expectations is that they are rarely met, and they usually result in disappointment.
If you lower your expectations, you give yourself room to relax, and the opportunity to feel happily surprised and more grateful when you do discover great things develop from your dating experiences.
It is always better to go with the flow rather than have too clear an idea of what you want to gain from something.
I'll state the obvious - not all dates work out, at least not in the way you were hoping for them to work out. Not everyone finds true love or their happy ever after from a date, and it can take a long time before you start getting lucky in your dating game.
Don't think that every date that doesn't lead to a romance is a total fail though. If you have taken the time to get to know someone, there could be a potential friendship there. And the more friends you have, the more opportunities you may have to meet other potential dating partners.
Once you have gotten to know someone on a date, if it turns out that you are not the one for them, they might know someone they think would be better suited to you! So it's always good to keep in touch and keep your options open.
A common reason a lot of people find it difficult to get anywhere when dating is that they are holding on to things from the past.
You may find yourself comparing your date to people you have dated in the past, but this isn't fair on them. Every person deserves to start afresh on a blank canvas, and not to have to live up to or take on the burden of experiences you have had with other people.
There is a reason those past dates and relationships didn't work out, so let them go and focus instead on the exciting new possibilities that the date in front of you has to offer.
There are some dates that leave you feeling the ick. There are some dates that leave you feeling like a complete loser. There are some dates that leave you feeling relieved to have escaped. And there are some dates that leave you wanting to grab all of your girls and make fun of the whole event. Bad dates happen, but they aren't a total waste of time.
Every experience you have in life is an opportunity to reflect, on people, on life, and on yourself. So if you have just had an awful date, try to find something positive that you can take from it to your next dating experience. You never know, that one thing could end up being a game changer.