by Kahlia Meeuwsen, Relationships Columnist
Published in Relationships on 19th September, 2018
When it comes to deciding whether or not someone is "the one", we often hear the phrase "you just know". However, not everyone has an easy time listening to what inner messages may be going on with regard to someone they're dating. Sometimes, you just want some clearer signs to know you're making the right choice.
Consequently, these 18 signs can help you to decide whether or not the person you're with is "the one". Consider them carefully with regard to your relationship, and remember that it isn't always black and white. Sometimes they are the one, sometimes they aren't, and sometimes you both need to do a little more work to get there.
This is one of the most important signs in this list. When you're around your person, you shouldn't feel like you have to be someone other than yourself. Comfort is extremely important, and it can really wear you down if you have to put on a different persona for the sake of keeping them happy.
The right person to spend your life with is going to be someone who likes you as you are, but keep in mind that this doesn't mean you should avoid growth or use it as an excuse to be a poor partner. Even the best of partners shouldn't accept abusive or otherwise unhealthy behavior.
Their happiness should be more important to you than whether or not that happiness is with you. Of course, it's normal to hope that it's with you. However, if you're more concerned about keeping them in the relationship than whether or not they are happy in it, it's not a healthy relationship.
Make sure that your love for them is coming from the right place, and that their love does the same. Loving each other means being willing to let go if one of you would be happier outside that relationship.
It's important to respect one another, in many ways. This includes general respect as well as handling things like boundaries and limits. Not everyone is going to feel about or respond to something the same way. Respect means listening when your significant other states their needs.
For example, if one partner is extroverted and the other is introverted, it's important for them to keep each other's needs in mind. When the introverted partner needs alone time, the extroverted partner should respect that need. In turn, the introverted partner should make an effort when the extroverted partner needs social stimulation.
Support is huge in a relationship. Most people have their own dreams, goals and ideas about what they'd like to achieve. A good partner is someone who will support and try to help you reach those goals. This kind of extra effort shows you that your partner really cares about your happiness.
You're looking to lose weight? They're doing what they can to help you make healthier choices. Want to write a book? They're excited about any small amount of progress you make. A good partner will be your biggest fan, whether your goals are large or small.
One of the hardest aspects about finding "the one" can be timing. If you're ready to get committed and settle down, but the person you're seeing isn't, it can present a huge problem in the relationship. When you're with "the one", that won't be an issue in the slightest.
You'll both be excited about starting a life together, and you'll never have to worry that your relationship isn't a priority to them. Instead, they'll be showing you in a number of ways that it is, and that they're ready to commit to you the same as you are to them.
Similar to the previous sign, this one is key to a happy life together. When you're both on the same page about the big things, everything else falls into place. That's why it's important to make sure you both share similar opinions on children, monogamy and anything else that's important to you.
If you're still searching for that perfect person, it can help to make a list of these things. Anything that is important to you, that you want them to share, should go on it. This can make your search a lot simpler, and you'll easily be able to break away from those who don't fit.
Partners who work well together understand each other in a way others might not. This can include being able to read their emotions and body language clearly and having an overall understanding of what motivates them in life.
While this aspect is something that can be hard to describe in a tangible way, it's one that you can feel very clearly. Your partner may be able to tell that you're feeling off before you've told them, or they may just know enough about you to know what might upset you, or what excites you.
One thing that many people notice when they're dating "the one", is that the experience is different than it has been with any other past partner. Some discover that those past individuals were ones who just didn't fit well with them, and they can see that when they're with someone who does.
Many of us can spend too much time trying to make people fit into our lives who don't belong there. It can be hard, disheartening and downright depressing. However, when they find the person who does fit, it's like a weight has been lifted. They don't have to try to force things to work, they just do.
The right person won't try to change you, but they will inspire you to make changes. Typically, this comes from the desire to be the best possible person, and partner, you can be. That inner growth can really add to not only the relationship, but to your own life as well.
Keep in mind that there's a big difference between inspiration to change and being forced to change. A good relationship doesn't include critisicm, nagging or feeling like you have to change in order to make your partner happy. This isn't healthy.
One of the aspects of a great partner that is often overlooked is genuine goodness. Regardless of whether they are cool, highly intelligent, or look like a model, you really can't beat someone with a good heart. You can trust that this kind of person will treat you nicely even during an argument.
This is also a trait that you can begin to see early on. In most cases, a potential partner may be putting on their best face for you, but they may not treat others well. Keep an eye out for how they treat friends, family and service workers and you'll get a good idea of how kind they are.
Things just tend to click with the right person. This is especially true when it comes to physical attraction. Keep in mind that while physical attraction is important, not everyone is attracted to the same kinds of looks.
Consequently, it's important to remember that just about anyone can find someone who is attracted to them, so don't settle for less! When everything clicks, you'll also be likely to find that things in the bedroom work a lot more smoothly too, though that's not to say it will be perfect every time.
There can be all kinds of bumps on the road with or without a relationship, but those who work well together strive to keep the problems separate from the relationship. You may get stressed by financial issues, family, work and a wide variety of other things, but it's important to remember that your relationship shouldn't suffer for it.
That's not to say that you should never share negative feelings. There's a large difference between discussing problems with your partner and taking those feelings out on them. It's all a matter of balancing the feelings with healthy communication.
Trust is key to a healthy relationship. It means trusting that no matter where your partner is, they have you in mind. It also means avoiding snooping through phones or computers, or seeking out every detail about where your partner is when they may not be by your side.
Keep in mind that this trust should go both ways, and should remain unless one partner does something to potentially break that trust. Insecurity can easily drive people to become paranoid and accusatory, but it's worthwhile to set that aside for the sake of keeping the relationship healthy.
Not everyone can be strong all the time, and you shouldn't have to. In a healthy relationship, you can take turns being strong. When one of you is going through a rough time, the other can be there for them to lean on. Then, at some point they may need to switch places.
The beauty of a healthy relationship is knowing that you don't have to always have on a brave face. You can be scared, sad, and fully human when you're with "the one". They won't judge, and they certainly won't leave you hanging. They can be a great temporary escape from the weight of the world.
Naturally, you probably prefer to be with your significant other, but that's not always possible. Whether it's simply being apart during the workday, a far away trip or a long distance relationship, you can weather being apart. It might not be your favorite thing, but it's doable.
That means not getting extremely anxious over the distance or being constantly worried they'll cheat or meet someone else. It also means having your own life and support system to lean on when they aren't around. With the help of a full life, you can get through being apart perfectly well.
This is a key one when it comes to healthy communication in a relationship. We're all human, which means we make mistakes! That's a normal part of human life. What really matters is how well you can take responsibility for those mistakes. It can definitely make all the difference in a relationship.
So keep in mind that this means not gaslighting or twisting the situation. Simply state that you made a mistake, and apologize for it. Don't try to shift the blame to the other person. In turn, your partner should also own up to their own mistakes in a mature way.
Whether it's religion, politics, stances on certain topics like abortion or having children, it's a good idea to be with someone who shares your values. Many of these values can end up being dealbreakers when you're with someone who doesn't agree.
For example, what would you do if you were pro-choice and your partner was pro-life? Imagine falling pregnant by accident while being in this situation. It's one that could get very messy very quickly. Consequently, it's far better to avoid this situation by steering clear of those who don't share your core values.
Deep down, you really do just know. The problem with this is that a lot of people tend to overthink the concept and start to second-guess themselves. It's actually not some magical intuition coming from a psychic source. Instead, you know because your partner will show you.
It will be clear that they're "the one" because they'll put forth the effort, they'll show you that you are a priority, and they will work with you for the sake of the relationship. There will be no pushing or pulling and you won't need to try to convince them to be with you. They'll just want to be.