by Kahlia Meeuwsen, Lifestyle Columnist
Published in Lifestyle on 10th October, 2018
There's no denying that going through a breakup is a rough time. It's painful, and there can be a multitude of feelings that come with the process. Consequently, we can have a hard time telling what we should do from what we want to do. Luckily, these tips can help you to get through the process in a healthy way.
Breakups are painful and hard. Whether you were together a week or a decade, you can still be left feeling lost and alone. Just about everyone goes through it. What's most important to remember is that everyone has their own process to get through it, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Don't feel like you have to rush through getting over your breakup. There isn't a timeframe that you need to stick to. What matters most is how you're feeling and when you're naturally ready to move on from it. In fact, the more you try to push yourself through the process, the messier it will be.
As you go through this list, pick up the tips that you feel will help you best. This isn't a class that you need to study everything for. Only you know what kinds of activities or thought processes will help you to heal the best.
When it's done, it's done. Don't keep trying to communicate, get rid of your pictures together on social media and get their number out of your phone. The longer the breakup process lasts, the more it's going to hurt. It's better to just accept the break and separate yourself cleanly so that you can heal. Think about it like breaking a bone. It's easier to heal when there are no splinters. Don't force yourself to stay in a situation that is no longer good for your wellbeing.
While you don't want to be too critical of yourself, it's also important to take the entire relationship into consideration. Think about what could have been improved on both ends. Be honest with yourself, if there are things you could have done better. On the other hand, don't sugar-coat what your ex may or may not have done. If they weren't a great partner, it's worth knowing for the future. Whatever you can learn from the relationship will help you as you go forward into new ones.
We're often inclined to try to cover up the pain as quickly as we can and move on. It seems like a natural solution, nobody likes to feel pain. However, it's going to be most effective if you let the pain and other negative feelings take their course. It may not feel nice, but it will help you to heal more effectively. As the feelings take their course, they'll move on when you're truly ready. It's important to trust in yourself, and in time you'll heal more fully.
In most cases, relationships end because there was something wrong on both sides. There may be times when you are at fault, but even if that's the case it's best to avoid beating yourself up over it. Instead, try to take it as a lesson so that you can do better in the future. This is also the time to be thinking about what you truly want from a romantic relationship. Don't let regret consume you, but instead take the lessons that you can and move on.
Take some time to give yourself a little extra care! Do something you love, or that relaxes you. Take yourself on a date, buy some special treats, go to a spa or just take a hot bath. Everyone needs a little extra care sometimes, so what ever it is that makes you feel good, do it! Giving yourself the love you need can help you to get back on your feet a little easier. Not to mention, it feels great!
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Kik or Whatsapp, your phone, all of it! Purge out all of their contact information and block them. This will help you to avoid contacting them when you're feeling particularly lonely. In addition, it will keep them from being able to keep contacting you and pulling at your heart strings. Then, you'll be free to heal without their influence. It might be difficult at first, but you'll see after some time that it's extremely helpful.
Now is the time to focus on yourself. Consider what things you want to change in your own life. Focusing in on your own growth can help to keep your mind off your ex and create improvements that will help you to feel good about yourself. In time, you may even realize that you can do a lot better than your ex, or at the very least that you miss them less.
In a similar vein, this is a great time to start working out or dive into a creative project. Use all the negative energy that is flowing through you on something positive. This is a great way to let that energy out without being distructive to yourself or others. You'll then be likely to find that you've made some huge improvements by the time the negative feelings wear away. Then once the pain has moved away, you'll feel even better than you had when you were with your ex!
During a breakup, there are often a lot of feelings swarming around your mind. You may be repeatedly thinking of things you wish you had said, or ways in which you had told them off. Writing letters is a great way to get those feelings out. Write as many as you need to, but don't send them! Instead, you may choose to keep them for a while, toss them or burn them up in your fireplace.
Another great way to keep your mind off your ex is to get out and try something new. It could be anything, small or large. Just something that you're interested in, that will give you the chance to make a fun new memory that doesn't include your ex. Show yourself that you can explore new things and have a good time without them.
When you first break up with someone, there can be a strong impulse to do whatever you can to keep that person in your life in some way. That's why at the time, offering to be friends can seem like a good idea. However, continuing to talk to and be around your ex after a breakup can make it a lot harder to move on. That's not to say you simply can't be friends with that person, just that it's best to take some time to let the feelings subside first.
While it hurts, a breakup can be the start of a new chapter. That means that you can take some time to reinvent yourself. If you want to get into better shape, do it! If you want to get your life more organized, go for it! Whatever changes you want to make, there's no better time to make them than the present.
For the most part, avoiding comforting yourself with food is important. However, when things are at their worst, it can be hard not to want a few cookies or some ice cream. It's okay to indulge a little bit to help yourself feel better. Just don't let those eating habits become your life from that point. It's important to take everything in moderation, including indulgence.
If you're planning on having a few drinks, get out and have them with friends. Have fun, make memories with those close to you and most importantly, do not text your ex. If you know you're going to have a hard time with avoiding that, then give your phone to a responsible friend for the evening. That way, you won't add regret into all of the other things you may be feeling.
After a breakup, all the things that once stimulated happy memories can turn into triggers for unhappy feelings. It's best to get rid of, or at least put away, anything that reminds you of your ex. Pictures, memorable gifts, anything that makes you feel bad. You can even make a little celebration of freedom out of getting rid of these things.
Spending time with friends can be a great way to have some fun and keep your mind from drifting back to thoughts of your ex. Not to mention, those who care about you can help to cheer you up and create some new memories. If you'd prefer something closer to home, then being around family can help to remind you of what is most important in your life.
Whatever you do, don't stop your life for a breakup. Take a break, slow down, but don't let it stop you. It can be so easy to fall into a pit of despair and stop doing your normal day to day things like showering and going to work. However, ceasing to do these things can make the situation even worse. You don't want to add poor hygiene or losing a job to the list of problems!
Some have no problem going through a rebound, while others may sometimes become attached or feel worse after the fact. If you tend to do the latter, then maybe it's best to avoid a rebound. However, if you can handle it, then just handle it carefully. Enjoy it for a short time, and let it go. Otherwise it can make things a lot more complicated.
Take a vacation! Have a weekend at home alone! Pretend you're pausing time for just a short while and let yourself do whatever you need to do. Whether it's crying, eating junk food, writing letters, or getting away from home, it's all very helpful in allowing you to heal. Once you've had a little break, it'll be that much easier for you to get back to your regular life.
Don't try to force yourself to be okay. If you don't feel like smiling, don't fake it. While the world may act as though we need to force ourselves to be happy no matter what's going on, that just isn't true. It's okay to be unhappy, and to let those feelings take their course. In fact, it's really the healthy way to get through a tough breakup!